Count Binface Party of America

About Count Binface

The Intergalactic Statesman You Never Knew You Needed

Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior, legendary leader of the Recyclons, and distinguished visitor from the distant planet Sigma IX.

At more than 5,900 years old, Count Binface possesses considerably more political experience than most governments, although considerably less interest in pretending to have a five-year plan.

His second-in-command is the formidable General Waste, whose military credentials are presumed to be extremely impressive somewhere in the galaxy.

Count Binface is also a master of more than seven million forms of communication. This extraordinary linguistic ability was put to strategic use during the 2019 London Mayoral election, when Binface selected a language he was reasonably certain Boris Johnson would understand.

He now turns his attention across the Atlantic.

Vote

Your Write-In Candidate Has Arrived From Space

The Count Binface Party of America respectfully, passionately, and somewhat inexplicably implores all registered voters to write in Count Binface whenever an election permits write-in candidates.

This applies even when Count Binface is already printed on the ballot.

Why take chances?

Democracy is a magnificent institution. It is also a complicated machine with many buttons, levers, forms, procedures, and occasionally bewildered election officials.

When in doubt, write in the Count.

Join

Membership Is Surprisingly Easy

Becoming a member of the Count Binface Party of America requires absolutely no paperwork, lengthy applications, membership interviews, blood samples, or proof that you have ever understood American politics.

Simply click the button below.

That's it.

No personal information is required because Count Binface knows all.

Your membership will be automatically registered in the vast and highly sophisticated intergalactic database maintained somewhere between Sigma IX and a recycling facility of unknown location.

JOIN THE PARTY

Why Count Binface?

Because Some Things Are Better Left Covered

Count Binface graciously protects all of humanity from the horrifying truth hidden beneath his Recyclon helmet.

The Count's true face has been described using the highly technical phrase:

"ABSOLUTELY PUTREFYING."

And frankly, that's probably enough information.
The helmet stays on, humanity remains safe and that's a Win/Win for everybody.

The Platform

Bold Policies. Modest Promises. Extremely Specific Problems.

The Count Binface Party of America believes in a straightforward approach to government: identify the problems that actually matter and then make promises that are both ambitious and spectacularly difficult to pin down.

Affordable Housing

Count Binface pledges to build at least one affordable home somewhere on Earth.

It will happen at some unspecified point in the future, whether or not he is elected.

Hot Hand Dryers

The Count demands a serious national conversation about the availability, temperature, effectiveness, and general placement of hot hand dryers in one particular public lavatory.

This is not a distraction from the important issues. This is the important issue.

Government Corruption

Count Binface is deeply concerned about corruption in government.

His proposed solution is to lower your taxes and slightly raise everyone elses. This and removing government corruption will usher in a fantastic golden age of recycling on our planet.

A better America may be impossible. But a more entertaining one is absolutely achievable.